No Toilet Paper! Wash Thy Bottom Out With Soap!

No loo roll!

Heres a taboo for you.  Most people in the world don’t use toilet paper.  This is a serious issue but for some, rather amusing.  Being British, I have an interest in all things lavatory.  Its a cornerstone of our fabulous humour and rapier wit.

If China and India started to use toilet paper, there would be no trees left in the world, and that is a fact (one that I read in a public toilet in Thailand).  Normally, toilet paper is kept on the top shelves of shops all over Asia, all dusty and sold like a semi-illicit item.  How bizarre, why would he want to wipe his bottom?   Spread it around a bit?!  Filthy animal!

A little water, a bucket and your hand.  That’s the equipment.  It works a treat.  Its cleaner and you will go up in the estimations of all the people from Asia (especially Thailand).  That is many millions of new friends.

It is not dirty, a brief scrub with a finger(s) and a stream of water in the right place and you’re good as new.  In India, always the left hand.  Nice wash of the hands with plenty of soap and it’s all over, painless and fresh as a daisy.  You can also buy a fancy mini showers that do the job, my Australian friend calls it the ‘bum gun’.

I was also told that it would take around 40 sheets of toilet paper to actually stop you coming in contact with poo bacteria.  You are touching your own produce after all.  It is what you ate, what your body made.  I read there is greater understanding and sensitivity with the body in countries where people handle their own shit.

The Romans were fans of the communal toilet.  Sitting with friends and family having a chat and passing the communal sponge on a stick around.  Good clean fun.

It does take a little practice though and I can see that the idea of a cold bucket of water on the backside on a chilly November morning is less than appealing.  Maybe use warm water?!  Or move to Cambodia.

Judging by the huge media reaction this family got in the U.S., the western public is rather shocked at the prospect (, so shocked that this man in Taunton, Somerset, call 999 when confronted with No Toilet Paper!   aaaaahhhhhhhhhh

This technique and knowledge is also valued survival training for all those with aspirations of heading out of the pampered zone (anywhere Western).

This summer, no excuses.  Join us in bum showers.  Its cleaner and your bottom will love you for it.  This will be normal in the future, as normal as taking used plastic bags back to Tescos, with the added bonus of saving the trees.  It would make a huge impact on paper consumption and free up our overworked, mainly Victorian, British drainage systems.

Here is a forum dedicated to the topic of wiping thy bottom:

Here is a nice blog relating to this ‘No impact man’:

As a final note, if we all squatted whilst expelling our ‘waste’ there would be less constipation.  They do it France.

Pleasant ablutions.

Thank you and good day.

No loo roll!

12 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Pierre said,

    While I totally agree about how refreshing and more ecological the use of bum shower. I need to precise one fact : There are no more squat toilet in France or maybe one or two hiding in a small public toilet lost in a remote village… Which is a pity as squatting specially in public toilet is more hygienic (no contact with the seat) and yes, it make the transit much easier.

    Btw, squat toilet in france are called “turkish toilet”… I wonder if the fact that the british call it “french” was just a mean way of making people think that the french are dirty (it worked), and maybe the french had also something against the Turk at that time. 😉

    • 2

      leroywatson4 said,

      Pierre, I had no idea you were French! Great, we can revel in a little toilet related ‘entente cordial’. I have used these toilets in France and my favourite bar in Pigalle is fitted with them and a very traditional place it is (one night an ex-French rugby international wanted to fight me there, something to do with roast beef?)
      The diriest toilets in the world (almost) can be found in British service stations, we are so repressed here, that a little bit of privacy and freedom goes to our heads and we start acting like deranged deliquents, pissing all over the place and become creative with toilet paper and vandalism. Its grim. But true.
      I think the ‘Turkish’ toilets are a better all rounder anyway.
      I hope all flows well. How are your 5 euros doing?
      Peace, Light and Happiness,
      P.S. – The reason I added the French part was because I read it on the mighty Wikipedia under ‘Squat Toilet’. Yes, it has been a busy day of research.

      • 3

        Pierre said,

        Well, I had no idea that you can find these toilet in Paris and specially in a bar… Cool, you can keep me updated about my country while I’m on the road 😉

        About dirty toilets, the worse was a public bus station in a town in Senegal. Squat toilets and worms crawling close to your feet…

        I have manage to reach easily australia with my 5€ per day and It’s been almost a year that I’m doing some crappy jobs over there but I saved enough money to travel for the next 3 years with 15$ a day ! I’ll go back to Thailand, then probably go to indonesia, new zealand and go somehow (boat maybe) to patagonia and hitch-hike north up to quebec and give a try to settle there. That’s the general idea and it will be “all comfort”, as I almost triple my budget 😉

        Any travel for you this year or you are settling a bit ?

      • 4

        leroywatson4 said,

        Hello Brother,
        My travel plans are more inward this year. Settling into solitude and love. A new journey.
        So you’re a luxury traveller now! Im sure you are appreciating every extra cent and spending it wisely.
        Will do my best to keep you posted on your motherland, Im driving down to Spain in September and will let you know how the Rhone is and maybe the some parts of Provenance. Where would you recommend in France? I would like to spend some time in wine country, always camping and living cheaply. Maybe picking grapes.
        The way you live and your plans are an inspiration Monsieur. Continue with force and light.
        Peace and Happiness, Lee

  2. 5

    James said,

    And then there’s Japan. Great toilets! of course the first time I pushed the button and it sprayed my butt clean it took me a couple seconds to realize it wasn’t stopping and to find the button(not labeled in English) to stop it.

  3. 7

    I smiled as I read this post.. I went to Cyprus some years ago now and went visiting some Ancient Roman Type ruins and they showed us a communal Toilet, in what must have been a huge market town in the excavated ruins there were holes carved in stone seats with a gutter that must have held at least 20 such toilets which had at the time a running water gutter running underneath….
    I have visited some amazing toilets in my visits around the world… Good old fashioned elbow grease and soap works wonders! 🙂

  4. 10

    OK…this seriously has me researching how to hook up a butt shower from my toilet pipes (as mentioned in No Impact Man’s post comments)! Do you have any resources or ideas for that? and then…can you give me an idea of how to convince my husband that I’m not crazy??

  5. 11

    […] warn you. I’ll let Lee from Riding Effortlessly On A Large Green Turtle explain you the rest, but the short version is you use water and your […]

  6. 12

    JohnM said,

    I prepare water, soap and gallon against tissue. What happen to the old rugby player?

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